| I can feel growing up.
Grasping concepts like respect, responsibiliity, appreciation, and integrity is huge.
I like where I'm at... I'm over the bad things that I've done, gone through, put up with...
I'm learning to feel blessed with the few good things that happen.
I've learned to cope, actually that has such a negative connotation, I've learned to evolve.
I had a pretty lonely day today... and I loved it.
I worked on music all day... moving and not getting cable or the internet is so amazing.
Go read, write, make music... be content with yourself.
Most likely you are great at something... there are a lot of somethings out there.
I love how the city sky is never black, but mostly a purpley orange.
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| Good news and bad news my friends.
1st the good:i passed my drug test for court today... and my lawyer got my hearing deferred til May 5th, that way i can get my community service done and if i do have to serve time i won't be missing school.
the bad:they are trying to tag another violation on me for not having my community service completed... and they are trying to say i haven't paid all my maximus dues which i have... so court will be interesting... i'll probably have to serve time in may... but at least i won't miss school. the shady thing is maximus is trying to add 2 more violations on me... which means they are trying to get me to serve more time... so now 30days is more likely to be 6 months.
but we'll see.
tonight we go to support our friends Belize and The Lonely Planets... then maybe to "Grandmother's house we go"
point being... i'm getting drunk as hell to celebrate freedom while i still have it.
God bless America.
fuck that.
a racket is a racket.
even the mob is taking notes.
and i'm out.
-Mattbrown |
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| Humans, the most complex and tragically emotionally weak creatures to ever exist.
We are whores for attention, affection, and instant gratification.
goddamn.
the situations that come about these days boggle my fucking mind.
i don't even know how to deal with it. |
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| I went...
I left...
I am...
I'm tired... of absolutely everything pretty much, give or take a little this or that. |
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I met with my probation officer today.
Now I know for sure that I'm going to jail.
9-40 to be exact.
When?
Whenever they catch me... or I turn myself in...
I can bond out for $250... if I had $250.
My parents aren't giving me any money anymore.
I may try and pawn some of my instruments or something... God I hate that I've come so low... that this is where I'm at... but I can't sit in jail and fail school and then have to pay for all of those loans by myself at this time in my life... I'm also not looking forward to the hunreds of dollars I'll have to come up with for court costs...
Rutherford County only wants to make money off of kids like me.
It's sick.
I'm pretty much proper fucked.
Today my dad also informed me that he is scared of losing his job soon... his church is dying and going bankrupt apparently.
I don't know what to say or how to feel about life right now...
That's what's going on... so now you know.
-Mattbrown
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